Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Ted, Jennifer and Me

Today is always a difficult day.  It is the anniversary of my daughter's passing on May 18, 2004.  I dread its arrival and always question what I intend to do that day. There never seems to be a good answer.

Usually I'm in Texas.  Often I've been able to spend the day with my grandson, Christopher, who was Jennifer's son.  He will turn 18 in September.  Amazing. 

Today, however, I'm in San Miguel.  I had intended to be in Houston, but plans changed and it will be next week before I arrive there.

In the meantime, yesterday I went through the basket of Jennifer's mementos that I am saving for Christopher.  This photo was in the basket.  It's a photo of my husband, myself and Jennifer in Biloxi, Mississippi on the beach.  It was taken by my mother-in-law who was a dear soul.  It's a photo that I had never seen until shortly before Jennifer's passing.  Jen had a large size of it framed and hanging on her wall.  It is a treasure for me.  I have the larger photo that was Jennifer's where I can see it daily.

There are many color photos of us as a family with Jennifer, John and Julie, but there is something about this photo that is ethereal to me.  Other worldly.

Ted died in 1978 and Jennifer, as I said, in 2004.  Hopefully they are walking the beaches of another dimension together.  I like to think so.

Their spirits live on.  If I told you all the weird things that seem to happen from time to time, you would shake your head (if you don't believe in that sort of thing) and wonder if I was losing it.  But, I know in my heart of hearts, it is their spirits reminding me that they are not far away.  It is very comforting.

My son John has many of my husband's mannerisms.  And he looks like him.  From time to time, he'll say or do something that almost takes my breath away.  It is the personification of my husband, Ted.  What a gift!
No I don't mention it to John.  I don't want him to be self conscious of those times.

In addition, my oldest granddaughter Jessica has several mannerisms and looks of Jennifer's.  Life is ironic, isn't it?

And, so it goes.  Life continues..............


Peter Kouwenhoven said...

Outliving your child is one of life's cruelest things. Thinking of you today and bless your memories.
Life, indeed, goes on.

Babs said...

Thanks Peter for taking time to comment. Indeed it is a difficult loss to live with....Think of ya'll often. Thanks for thinking of me today. Hugs

La Tejedora said...

Sending loving thoughts to you today, Barbara. Having never had or lost a child, I can't begin to imagine. I do have experience with spirit energy reaching into this realm and touching me, so that part of your writing, I can connect with. Much love, Nora

Babs said...

Thanks Nora for taking time to post. I would like to hear about your spirit energy experiences at some point.

Barbara Lane said...

Oh Barbara. Like Nora, I can't imagine. However I am passing on something that has soothed my heart when I've grieved mightily, and I try to always remember it. I hope in some small way it soothes yours as well.


"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that
which has been your delight."

~Kahlil Gibran

Todd said...

I get it

Retired Teacher said...

Barbara, I hope that this difficult day was made a little easier with happy memories.

Life's a Beach! said...

Barbara, I can't imagine how hard this day was for you. Hugs.

Babs said...

Todd, indeed, I know you do! Thanks for posting.

Bill, I know this is a day of sadness for you as well.
Thought of you today.

Thanks Beck, the morning was bad, but then I got busy
on projects around the house and was okay. Thanks for
taking time to write.

Babs said...

Oops, I almost forgot to comment to you Barbara Lane.
Thank you for the quote Kahlil Gibran and Rumi are two
wise men that I turn to often for solace.

Christine Barrely said...

Thinking of you from over the seas

Babs said...

Aaah, thanks Christine. It REALLY helped to hear from so many kind and dear people. You, of course, among them. I do think of you often and wonder what adventure
that you are off on. MAYBE within the next year I'll be able to cross the pond
to see you and your family. Keep your fingers crossed.