Today is always a difficult day. It is the anniversary of my daughter's passing on May 18, 2004. I dread its arrival and always question what I intend to do that day. There never seems to be a good answer.
Usually I'm in Texas. Often I've been able to spend the day with my grandson, Christopher, who was Jennifer's son. He will turn 18 in September. Amazing.
Today, however, I'm in San Miguel. I had intended to be in Houston, but plans changed and it will be next week before I arrive there.
In the meantime, yesterday I went through the basket of Jennifer's mementos that I am saving for Christopher. This photo was in the basket. It's a photo of my husband, myself and Jennifer in Biloxi, Mississippi on the beach. It was taken by my mother-in-law who was a dear soul. It's a photo that I had never seen until shortly before Jennifer's passing. Jen had a large size of it framed and hanging on her wall. It is a treasure for me. I have the larger photo that was Jennifer's where I can see it daily.
There are many color photos of us as a family with Jennifer, John and Julie, but there is something about this photo that is ethereal to me. Other worldly.
Ted died in 1978 and Jennifer, as I said, in 2004. Hopefully they are walking the beaches of another dimension together. I like to think so.
Their spirits live on. If I told you all the weird things that seem to happen from time to time, you would shake your head (if you don't believe in that sort of thing) and wonder if I was losing it. But, I know in my heart of hearts, it is their spirits reminding me that they are not far away. It is very comforting.
My son John has many of my husband's mannerisms. And he looks like him. From time to time, he'll say or do something that almost takes my breath away. It is the personification of my husband, Ted. What a gift!
No I don't mention it to John. I don't want him to be self conscious of those times.
In addition, my oldest granddaughter Jessica has several mannerisms and looks of Jennifer's. Life is ironic, isn't it?
And, so it goes. Life continues..............