Monday, May 11, 2009

What's Important!

I must forewarn you - I have been rather introspective the last few days, while I had a little time to gaze out at the sunsets and skyline of Houston and the green of Memorial Park. So below is one of the posts I wrote as I watched the sun set the other evening.........alone.

For me, someone's soul is important. Their intentions and actions mean much more then the color of their hair or lack thereof. Intelligence and humor are the icing on the cake.

So it drives me absolutely crazy (some say that would be a short trip) when I meet a person who is looking for an "accessory" not a partner. You would think that with age would come wisdom - but I find that is far from true.

So many are still in the throes of caring "what other people think". And, I tell them that most people are too busy thinking about themselves and their lives to really care about yours. So, it is a wasted effort.

I'm amused and chagrined in this "dating episode" to see men around my age looking for women 25-45 who MUST have.........and then the physical descriptives start. As though they are buying a possession, a fancy tie or cuff links, if you will.

And, older women, I suppose do the same thing........not this one though.

So my question always is" What if that carefully selected accessory were to become ill or injured and no longer could be the "perfect accessory" to make the person look better? What then?


Michael Dickson said...

My sister-in-law, who is half-divorced, is looking for a replacement. She is 47. She wants, as she phrases it, fresh meat. Carne fresca, which is her way of saying younger than she is. Actually she will take anything that will take her, but she won´t admit to that.

When my wife and I remind her that her half-divorced husband, who barely qualifies as a human being (my wife refers to him as una bestia), was carne fresca and that perhaps repeating that cycle is not the best plan, it falls on deaf ears.

Steve Cotton said...

"What then?" I assume you meant the question as rhetorical because we both know the answer. These are the same people who buy the "in" breed of dog, and will keep it -- until it becomes bothersome. And they then put it down.

Anonymous said...

i could never understand women who fall for older men. i know there are some some who do it out of love, we can both think of a certain blogger whose wife would fit this description, but i would say there are many who do it for money. so i guess those men who are looking for much younger women, better have plenty of cash handy. then they can buy accessories, for their accessory.


Ruco said...

Interesting topic, I've thinking about it all day (cancers do that a lot). What's important, I would think depends on the person and where you are in life. Does age matter?, good question, should age matter, might be a better one. Having common ground,doesn't have an age restriction. Some men(and women)like trophies, trouble is, trophies need to be polished and that takes time and money. There are many couples who just like each other's company and age is not an issue. I think with time, we change, our perspectives become sharper. Looks don't matter as much to us and we begin to look inside another person, to see what their values are and what common grounds we may have. Of course, if the packaging is is in great shape, we all take a second look, that's just human nature. Also, as time rolls on, the idea of going to gyms to maintain our outward appearance is damn hard work. Some are blessed(Senor Felipe for one) is long and lean, I one the other hand am built somewhat like a fire hydrant, too many years playing football, boxing and lifting weights has taken it's toll. So, does it matter and is it important, I think it depends on what we believe matters and what's important to us as individuals. Good topic Miss Babs.

Anonymous said...

Local Houston TV used to have a talking head host-gal named Whitney Casey doing a morning show. Blonde, Beautiful, Funny late 30's-40's probably...perfect medium for her. Then she started writing a column about relationship and lovelife advise in the Chron, and wow, I've never read such lame and pointless writing. In all ways, simply dreadful. Poorly conceived,Bad form, wobbly content, hideous delivery. I thought for sure she'd be phased out. Nope. She quit TV, writes full time, and just had a Relationship book published. Babs, It's the pits, all the things a women should do
before an important date. All the tricks to catch a man. I couldn't believe the GAMES. I thought, Is this the state of the Art??

1st Mate said...

Maybe the reason for this late-in-life grasping for the young and nubile is simply biological: the male animal unconsciously attempting one more time to reproduce. And the "what then?" often becomes a second (or even third?) family, possibly the last thing he wanted.

comitan said...

Perhaps there is a time for friends to ask, "Ah, are the grandkids visiting?" Might save the old boy or girl a little heartache in the money department.
Truth most don't see how old they look with a young thing on their arm. And after, If she's young enough there won't be an after, having young friends doesn't keep you alive.
BajaDove the other side of Comitan

Babs said...

Great comments from all of you....and interesting perspectives. said...

I'm with you on Whitney. What a twit! That kind of thinking drives me crazy. I think men go for younger women because they mistakenly think they will be younger. Men seem to have a harder time accepting the aging process than women.
And I don't go to the gym to look better...I go because my life/health depends on it.
Most of my female friends who are now single have no plans to ever marry again...they don't want to give up their freedom. It would take a remarkable outstanding man to convince them to head to the altar or even move in.

Michael Dickson said...

Okay, I´ve been ignoring this because I know I´ll just get myself in hot water, and Babs is one of my favorite babes. Ni modo. Such is life.

Men are far more visual than women. All other things being equal (smarts, values, etc.), a man will go for the younger one 9 times out of 10, which may be an underestimate. Could be 10 times out of 10. Probably is.

Note that I said all other things being equal.

Women are almost always more interested in other factors, other qualities, other things which admittedly are far more important. The smarts, values, etc. Yes, women are less distracted by looks. They usually prefer quality over simply being Pierce Brosnan. Okay, in his case, maybe not.

This natural phenomenon (Mother Nature at work) is quite notable when you look at old coots like Pablo Picasso and Henry Miller, guys who always had an admiring stable of women. Famous old female authors and artists very, very rarely will catch a young guy, and when she does, I promise you, he´s a weirdo.

Younger woman often actually find older guys appealing. It rarely works the other way around.

Older women can say they "don´t want to give up their freedom" or they like being "strong and independent" till the cows come home, but the truth is they really have little choice after a certain age. So I do not believe them.

By the way, you will rarely hear such things except in those parts of the world where women speak English.

Nobody who is not deranged wants to be single. Nobody. Especially us older folks.

A single woman over age 50 has virtually no chance of linking up again. Virtually. It can happen, but don´t put bets on it. If men in their 60s find women in their 40s to be interested in them, they will definitely go in that direction.

Mother Nature put women "of a certain age" at a real disadvantage. Shame on her.

There are various elements to this issue. I am 64, and my wife is 48, 16 years difference, but 48 is hardly a spring chicken.

From my perspective, this age spread is ideal. A woman of, say, even 35 would not interest me at all except for a long weekend with champagne and whipped cream. Otherwise, she would bore me to death, no matter what other qualities she possessed.

And, of course, were I married to my current wife when I was a man of 30, I would be subject to arrest, or I would be living in the hills of West Virginia. Or both.

A wide age span grows less wide later in life.

It´s a complicated affair, so to speak, but women do get the short end of the stick. It simply is what it is.

We are not equal.

Babs said...

35 with champagne and whip cream - why you old dog!

Oh well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I lOVE the way you "stir the pot". Let's see if something gets stirred.......

A woman only gets the "short end of the stick", if she allows it.......and size doesn't matter! said...

Oh Felipe, spoken like a true male. Men seem to find it hard to believe that some women really do enjoy their freedom especially after spending years of care-taking men and children. And contrary to what you say, I have met women in their 60s and more who have been courted and wooed and finally convinced to adorable step-mother an example. On the other hand, I have single female friends who don't want to marry or a long time commitment but enjoy dating and having a companion to travel with.